Fear is an anxious feeling that is caused by an our anticipation of some imagined event or experience. It's an extremely powerful emotion, and it's a vital biological response to physical and emotional danger—if we didn't feel it when we were cave mean, for example, we wouldn't have been able to protect ourselves from legitimate threats.
The problem is, today we often aren't in situations that are life-or-death. However, we still often feel fear! We fear the first date with a potentially perfect match, social situations with new friends, starting a new business we're passionate about, or taking a new and exciting job opportunity. Fear can stop us from conquering our dreams and reaching our potential, and can stop us from being happy.
Sometimes, these decisions are so obvious, but our fear take hold and holds us back. For example, if you were contemplating if you were to leave a toxic relationship, something which seems like an obvious decision, one might ask themselves -
- "How do you know you're making the right decision?"
- "What if you're the problem?"
- "What if you never find anyone else and end up alone?"
Here are 4 tips I use to conquer fear, and help me stay decisive.
1. You will never have all the information
I usually have fears based on if I'm making the right decision. In the past, I use to wait and ruminate over possibly options, waiting until I had all the information so the answer would be obvious. The problem is, we often don't have and will never have all the information. As time would progress, options I had would disappear, so by not making a decision a decision was made for me that was completely out of my control! Why would I want to give control away of a decision?
Today, I focus on making the best educated decision. Life is a series of guesses, mistakes, and revisions. Make the best decision you can at the time and continue to move forward. Making a decision is much better than not making one, and losing all of your options.
2. Trust Yourself
It's hard, and this still something I still struggle with. However, the more you exercise this muscle the stronger it gets and the clearer decisions in the future will become. Some tools you can start using to help is yoga and meditation. Many people believe meditation helps them get more in touch with themselves, and helps them feel more grounded. I use headspace to meditate - check it out!
3. What is the worst that could happen?
Usually the fear or fear is more painful than what the worst possible outcome could be! The rumination and confusion and "what ifs" are worse than you just doing the activity in the first place! Write out what the worst possible outcome is for the situation you're concerned with, and come up with an action plan if that happens. Usually I realize it's completely manageable, and that helps alleviate fear.
4. If you don't do it, how will you feel?
This one is big! Usually I have a very clear emotional reaction when I ask this question. If I really want to do something but fear is in the way, and I think about NOT doing it, I get upset and feel it in my gut. I then know I must move forward and do it, and it's something I truly want. Again, this comes back to trusting yourself.
What are tools you use to help conquer irrational fear?