I hear many complaints from the people I work with that they feel like they lead scattered lives - pulled in many different directions by many different people and commitments. They claim they are constantly drained by other people's requests, and that they spend too much time with people who drain them and not enough time with the people they love.
Strengthening your "No Muscle"
Your ability to invent who you want to be will depend on your willingness to develop a little used muscle known as the "No Muscle", and the key to developing the "No Muscle" is to first develop your "Yes Muscle". If you say yes to the things that are important to you, then saying no to what's not important to you will get easier and easier.
Lets imagine you decided to prioritize your health. If you make a commitment to go on a hike with a friend you've been really wanting to connect with on a Saturday, then it's no problem at all saying no to a day party happening that same day. Or lets say you've decided to start prioritizing your family. You commit to going to brunch with your grandmother on the first Saturday of the month. When an acquaintance asks you to help them move, it's easy to say no.
The insanity starts when no goals, plans, or commitments are ever made and people who drain your energy or projects you don't want to invest in are taking all of your time. You can't say no to them only because you haven't said yes to anything else.
The Value of Planning
To help you make sure you're prioritizing the people and things that matter to you, it's important to start planning. When you cultivate the habit of setting aside specific time to do the things you love and to be with the people you love, it becomes very easy to say yes to those who try to cut in on your time. The greatest value in planning is that it gives you your own life to life. It allows you to continuously reinvent yourself towards strength and focus for what and who you care about. Planning puts you back in charge.
It may seem weird at first, but it's important to set aside time to plan your week to include your goals and priorities, and the people who life you up and bring you energy. Ask yourself...
- What goals are most important to me? How much time do I want to give them?
- Unsure of your goals? Make a running list of the things you want to accomplish in one month, 6 months, 1 year, 5 years, and 10 years. It's important to have direction and goals in order to get to your next step in life.
- What people are most important to me? How much time do I want to give them?
- Unsure of who you care most about? Make a list of people in your life who you enjoy spending time with and when you like to see them. Consistently edit the list. You can reference this list to be clear on who you love and care about, and who you want to plan to spend time with.
- Now, set aside time and plan activities that align with your goals and the people you care about to get your life back!